We have officially hit that day where Mama begins counting the days with a slow burn of dread in her belly as they number down to your first birthday. Maybe it’s preemptive & ridiculous, but I have begun looking back on your newborn photos with an ache in my heart – I hear your first innocent cries in my ears, remember the feel of you rooting on my cheek as I prepared a bottle. I catch myself yearning for the days that when newness enveloped our entire world & everything was a discovery between us. & then I remember that eleven months later, life is even sweeter with you as I watch you grow into your own person.
Mia, I am so proud of you. When I look at you, I can hardly believe that this utter perfection came from me & I simply want to shout to the world that at 28 years old, I have already achieved my greatest accomplishment. I love to take you out & even though these days you wish to be on your own two feet crawling/walking, it fills my heart to hold your hand as you take steps. “Mine,” my heart exudes. “Mine!” as strangers turn to stare at you & your big brown eyes. “Mine!” as I watch you race across the field in the park, eyes bright with wonder.
& in those ending moments of the day, when we rock slowly in the dusk, I softly whisper “Mine” into your ear as you snuggle in for your last bottle of the day. It’s twenty minutes that I crave each day, the only twenty minutes where you are still & calm & relaxed. Where we seem to melt seamlessly into each other until you grin up at me, full & content. I grin back at you & mirth erupts from both of us. Giggles that bubble over in the dim nursery, like a secret that we share.
“Mine!” as tears well into my eyes. After eleven hard, glorious, amazing months. “Mine,” your brown eyes seem to gaze back at me, steadfast & brave as ever.
I love you forever.
love,
Mama
On Saturday we took her to the zoo, She was asleep for the first part but then she woke up and she loved it. She loved the elephants!! =)
