One year...365 days

Dear Mia,

This entire week, I faced this day with apprehension. Your first birthday. A full year of Mia. I felt a little drop of my stomach every time I thought about you officially graduating babyhood & moving into being a toddler. It's been a full year since I heard your sweet cry & stared at your perfect pink face. Those first moments when I looked into your grey (now brown) eyes & knew that we were about to start the greatest journey together.

And my princess, what a journey it has been. It hasn’t been easy for us – but when I think anything of true worth & understanding it’s value comes with a price. I can say with certainty, Mia, that I fully understand just how lucky we are to have each other. You saved me this year. Sometimes in little ways, like revealing to me that I want to be a better person & a greater role model for you. I laid down the snark, opened my heart, & explored the kind of mother & woman I want to be. Sometimes, quite literally you saved me & pulled me back from the edge. I am alive because of you.

You are the light in my life & everything that was promised. You are so incredibly smart & gifted & funny. Every morning, when I sit you down in your highchair & I cut up banana or strawberries & put some Cheerios onto your tray and ever so sweetly, you pick up a Cheerio & with a toothy grin, hold it out to me. And one day, when you are sixteen years old & storming up the stairs in anger, I will remember the days that sharing your Cheerios with me was the greatest joy in your heart.

Mia, watching you love other people has become my proudest moment as a mother. When you wrap your arms around your Grandma’s neck & squeal, my heart absolutely melts. The smile that lights up your face when someone walks in the room is tucked away in my heart & sometimes when I feel down, I close my eyes & picture those moments. Because what I want for you most is love. I want you to be loved, of course, but I also want you to love. I want you to know what it’s like to feel warmth all the way from your eyes to your tummy as you pull someone in for a hug or kiss your husband on the alter. I want you to know what it is like to put someone above your own sense of self, to only want the very best for them, because you love their simple existance.

Because, Mia, that is how I love you.

And that is my greatest accomplishment as your mother.

Today, I think back on those first few moments in the hospital. I look back upon the year with conviction that we did the best we could, you & I. Not only did we survive, but we came out better than before. And most importantly, I celebrate your sweet life. Everything you have become to me & everything you will accomplish in life. You are perfect to me.

And I love you so perfectly.

love,
Mama

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