My Road..

Not many people know the road I have taken to get where I am. I have chosen to withhold alot of my past to people so I wont feel judged...I mean who likes to feel talked about or hated. Now I should've done this when I started the blog but hey its my blog and I will do what I want..LOL. Now here goes:
My name is Shalamar Baez. I am 27 years old. I was born in Caguas, Puerto Rico. My parents are Lucy and Victor Baez. My dad was murdered when I was still a baby but I still forever keep him in my heart and I know he is watching over me, my sister, and now Mia. My mom is the best woman I know..She is my hero and who I aim to be. She had 3 kids by the time she was 21 years old and still became something of herself. She is so strong, smart and always there for me whether she agrees with my decisions or not (which most of the time she doesn't). I have 2 amazing sisters who have become like my best friends..the people who I go to for advice and fun. I adore them dearly. My stepdad Angel is an angel (which fits cause his name is Angel). He took me and my sister like we were his own kids with no questions asked (which man does that nowadays..VERY FEW!) He has been there for all of us and continues to be there. I have an amazing grandmother and great-grandmother who are so full of wisdom and I can't wait for Mia to meet them. They definitely cannot wait to meet her.
Now I used to live in Philadelphia but moved down to Miami when I was 10 years old cause my stepdad wanted to move down here to be with his family. So basically my mom uprooted us and left her family to be down here. One day, god willing, we will move back up to the place we call our home and where our family is at. But as for now, Miami is my home.
Now many things happened when I moved down to Miami. I guess its definitely true what they say when you move to Miami. You are forced to grow up cause everything here is so fast-paced. Hell, I didnt even know about drugs or sex but once I came to Miami and went to school, my innocent world changed. Now, hey, I know I shouldn't blame Miami cause I made my own decisions but people see it when they move down here from anywhere.
So lets fast forward alittle. I was never a really good student. I skipped class and hung out with the bad crowd. I was always trying to fit in which that became my downfall. I started to drink, experiment with drugs, have sex, lie to my parents, steal from everyone, etc. All in all, this was my life for a long time. I did straighten up long enough to go to the Army but that didnt work out. So I came back home and started right back where I left off. It was a vicious cycle of me doing whatever I wanted and screw you, if you thought anything of it. I didn't care cause I was having fun. In the end, my end caught up with me. My parents kicked me out and I had nowhere to go. So I came back crawling on my hands and knees to my parents and I told them I was on cocaine and I needed help. So they put me in rehab. Yup, in rehab. And what you see in the movies or shows of this nice place called rehab is not what it is. It was bad. It scared the crap out of me that I never wanted to do drugs ever again. And thank god, since 2007, I haven't touched any drug whatsoever. Have I drank? Yes. But my drinking was never the problem.
I came back home from rehab to my parents house and things were different. Of course, my parents didn't trust me. I mean who would. But I started to do better and moved out on my own. Eventually I, even, got myself a job at a hospital and I was studying in school to be a nurse. But with that little taste of freedom I got carried away and started going crazy again. I dont know what it is but I was going back down the same road I was before. I didn't do drugs but I was out partying and just being stupid. I got pregnant but ended up losing the baby. I was stealing from the very people who have been there with me from the beginning. I lost my best friend from middle school because I stole from him. I, pretty much, lost everything and moved back in with my parents. But they were not having it this time. And then I found love. I ended up with a guy who I never thought was anything but he ended up being my everything. His name is Oscar. I loved him so much and I thought I would spend the rest of my life with him. I ended up getting pregnant and decided to keep the baby. Many people think I tried to get pregnant or knew I was pregnant and didnt tell anyone but its not true. It was a surprise to me as much as anyone else. Then the problems started for him and I. He just couldnt deal with the baby and the thought of having to grow up. He cheated. And I took it. But then came my princess Mia Nicole Baez on June 21, 2010. My world forever changed. I wanted everything to be perfect for her so I knew that this relationahip I was in wasn't going to work out. She deserved so much better than what we could offer her together so we broke it off. She made me want to be a better person for her. She is my heart, entire world, universe, all caught up in one. I mean I never knew this kind of love for someone. So I am going to become the best for her. Yes, my past as bad as it has been has gotten me to where I am and I don't regret it at all cause regretting it is not going to do anything. It is all lessons learned. And when Mia gets old enough, I will not lie to her about any of it. I will tell her everything and hopefully she learns from mommy's past and doesnt repeat her mistakes. But even if she does, she knows I will be there through it all picking her up from her falls and telling her I love you.
I know my past is not a happy one but it is what it is. I am here striving to be a better person. And all I can hope is my family, friends, and my princess will be here when it is all said and done. The only person I have to answer to is God and when I die I will come before him and be judged for it all.
So this is all for now...I have to go back to my princess who just woke up from her morning nap. Oh, how I love that little girl!!! =)But I guess you can say my actions don't express that cause I lied to him and screwed him over. But he still remained by my side through it all and still is here. I ended up getting pregnant and decided to keep the baby. Many people think I tried to get pregnant or knew I was pregnant and didnt tell anyone but its not true. It was a surprise to me as much as anyone else. But who would believe me after all the lies I told. So here came my princess Mia Nicole Baez on June 21, 2010. My world changed. I want to be a better person for her. She is my heart, entire world, universe, everything. I mean I never knew this kind of love for someone. And she deserves the best. So I am going to become the best for her. Yes, my past as bad as it has been has gotten me to where I am and I don't regret it at all cause regretting it is not going to do anything. It is all lessons learned. And when Mia gets old enough, I will not lie to her about any of it. I will tell her everything and hopefully she learns from mommy's past and doesnt repeat her mistakes. But even if she does, she knows I will be there through it all picking her up from her falls and telling her I love you.
I know my past is not a happy one but it is what it is. I am here striving to be a better person. And all I can hope is my family, friends, and my princess will be here when it is all said and done. The only person I have to answer to is God and when I die I will come before him and be judged for it all.
So this is all for now...I have to go back to my princess who just woke up from her morning nap. Oh, how I love that little girl!!! =)